Appointment with Radiation Oncologist

Yesterday was my first appointment with my radiation oncologist. I wasn't expecting it to difficult since I had done some reading already on radiation and thought I knew what to expect, boy was I wrong. I was so upset by the time the appointment was over, that it felt like the first day when I got diagnosed. I was so happy John was with me because it was a lot more difficult than I was anticipating. I think most of the reason why I was so upset was that my doctor is lacking in bedside manner for the most part. He was very clinical and blunt and didn't give me a lot of hope. Maybe that's what I needed to hear to snap myself back into reality I don't know. So as long as the plan stays on track I have my 8 chemo cycles, my surgery (which he was very blunt with me will likely be a mastectomy and most if not all of my lymph nodes under my arm) then I heal for 4 to 6 weeks and then I start 5 weeks of radiation which I will go for 5 days a week. He explained all the risks, and told us the areas he would be concentrating on radiating. I asked a couple of questions. One was about how soon I could get reconstruction done after radiation. He told me reconstruction was probably not likely. Of course I could and should seek out another opinion but he didn't think it was going to possible. That blew me away. I wasn't ready for that at all. I have been preparing myself for weeks for the mastectomy and pretty much have come to peace with it, but no options after, I wasn't ready for that. Obviously I'll be seeking out other opinions when the time comes and we know more after the surgery. He explained that there would likely not be much tissue left and the radiation would tighten up what is left. The other question I asked was if we knew right now that radiation has to be done. He told me I could always say no to any treatment if I didn't want it. Which wasn't what I was getting at. I just wanted to know how he knew without the surgery being done that radiation was a for gone conclusion. He is an experienced radiation oncologist but he's definitely not my favorite doctor so far.
So it's been a teary couple of days..and just thinking about the HER2 is making me a bit crazy. I've started preparing myself for that to come back positive as well. I think it will explain why my tumor is so big so fast.

Oh I cut my hair short this week too. Not as traumatic as I thought it would be. Taking control of it made me feel better. Even though I don't love having short hair it will be gone in a week or so anyway so no sense in getting upset about it. I brought Sam, Matt and John with me just so they wouldn't be surprised when they saw me. Well it was mostly for Samantha. Turns out it didn't bother her. Hopefully when I lose all my hair it will be the same.